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Not Doing It
What’s the most fun way to exercise? I’ve heard people answer that question with a kind of breathless enthusiasm that makes me feel like I missed a memo somewhere. They talk about early morning runs as if the sunrise personally applauds them. They describe spin classes like they’re spiritual awakenings with better lighting. They use…
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Adapted to COVID
I did not adapt all at once. I adapted slowly, pastorally, and often while grieving. When the COVID-19 pandemic began, it did not arrive as a single disruption. It came as a series of losses. Sanctuaries went quiet. Hospital rooms became inaccessible. Funerals were reduced to a handful of masked faces standing far apart, trying…
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Authentically Unique
What makes a person unique is not found in a single trait, talent, or story, but in the deeply personal way all of those elements come together over time. Uniqueness is not something we achieve as much as it is something we uncover. It is shaped by experience, refined by struggle, and revealed most clearly…
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It’s The Least I Can Do
“It’s the least I can do.” We say it as if it is humility. As if it is virtue. As if it reflects some quiet, noble restraint. But beneath the surface, that phrase often reveals something far less admirable. It exposes a mindset that has quietly taken root in our culture, a mindset that calculates…
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Cozy Nap Weather
Living in South Florida, sunshine is not something you hope for—it is something you expect. It is the default setting of the sky, the steady backdrop of daily life. Morning after morning, the light arrives early and confidently, spilling through the windows with a kind of insistence that says the day has already begun, whether…
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A River Ran Through It
The older I get, the more time feels like water. Not the kind that rushes, loud and insistent, but the kind that moves quietly beneath the surface, carrying everything with it whether you’re ready or not. Memory works that way too. It doesn’t ask permission. It just returns you. And lately, it keeps taking me…
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When Authority Replaces Humility
Healthy leaders welcome feedback and accountability. They understand that no single person has all the answers and that the church benefits from collective discernment. In contrast, a narcissistic pastor might see criticism as a personal attack rather than a helpful input. When challenged, they could react defensively, shift blame, or label critics as disloyal or…
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Negative Feelings Do Not Win The Day
In many ways, writing has allowed me to tell the truth about my life. There are things I could not say out loud for years. There were fears I buried and griefs I pretended did not exist. But when I write, honesty becomes possible. I can say the things that once felt unspeakable. I can…
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For the Love of the Game
When I was young, the sport I loved was baseball. Not casually. Not as a pastime. I loved it the way you love something that gives you a place to put your energy, your anger, your hope. The way you love something that asks something of you and gives you just enough back to keep…
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To Leave a Legacy
Legacy is not about monuments or money. It is not merely etched in buildings bearing our names or in bank accounts left to heirs. Legacy is the invisible, enduring imprint we leave on the hearts of others, the values we embody, the love we share, and the courage we demonstrate in our brief time on…
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What Gives Me Direction
For a long time, I lived my life by other people’s maps—carefully drawn lines of who I was supposed to be. I followed them dutifully, out of love, out of fear, out of habit. I was good at it. I knew how to show up, how to serve, how to be the version of myself…
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The Silence of Saturday
Saturday was the hardest day. Friday had been horrifying, yes—violent, chaotic, final. They had watched their teacher, their friend, the one they believed was the Messiah, be mocked, tortured, and nailed to a cross. They had heard him cry out, “It is finished.” And with those words, everything they thought they knew crumbled. But Saturday?…
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Five-Year-Old’s Dream
When I was five, I didn’t want to be a firefighter, an astronaut, or even a superhero. I wanted to be a garbageman. Not because I had some deep understanding of sanitation logistics or civic responsibility, but because garbagemen got to ride on the back of the truck. To my young eyes, that wasn’t a…
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Faith, Identity, and the Courage to Lead
Faith has always been the foundation, the solid ground beneath the feet of any follower of Christ. It carries believers through seasons of certainty and doubt, joy and sorrow, belonging and searching. As a pastor, my calling has been to guide others on their own journeys of faith. For years, I walked in the…
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If I Could Change The World
If I could change one law, it would be to enact comprehensive federal protections for transgender people in every aspect of life—employment, housing, healthcare, public accommodations, and beyond. Right now, too many of my trans siblings, especially trans women of color, face discrimination, violence, and systemic barriers simply for existing. I want a law that…
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The Moment Everything Changed
It began with a phone call. Or perhaps an email. Honestly, I can’t even recall which, because the moment I saw the words—the confirmation, the dream, the prayer finally answered—everything else faded into the background. For a few seconds, I just stared. My mind struggled to catch up, to grasp what was right in front…
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My Heart Hurts
There is a type of pain that settles in the heart, not like a sharp wound that bleeds and demands immediate attention, but rather like a deep, slow ache that never truly fades. I have come to know this pain intimately since coming out as transgender. It is the pain of being hated simply for…
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The Greatest Innovation of My Lifetime
If you had asked me years ago what the greatest invention of my lifetime would be, I might have listed a series of remarkable technologies—AI, medical advancements, or even the rise of renewable energy. But as I stand here now, reflecting on the world I’ve watched transform, I realize that the most revolutionary invention isn’t…
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My Ideal Day
My ideal day begins just before sunrise when the world is still quiet, and the air feels fresh with possibility. I wake up naturally, without an alarm blaring—just the soft glow of dawn filtering through my curtains. I stretch, feeling every muscle awaken, then take a moment to breathe deeply, slowly, and gratefully. Slipping into…
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Milestones Shape My Perspective
There was a time when I believed life followed a straight path—a clear trajectory from childhood to adulthood, from uncertainty to understanding. However, as the years have unfolded, I’ve come to realize that life is not a linear journey but rather a tapestry woven with moments of change, challenge, and revelation. Each significant life event…
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What Annoys Me the Most
I like to think of myself as a patient person, someone who sees the bigger picture and embraces grace in all things. But let’s be honest—there are some things that get under my skin, and sometimes, I just need to vent. If I had to pinpoint what I complain about the most, I’d say it…
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If I Won the Lottery
If I won the lottery, the possibilities would seem endless. I’d start by indulging in one of my greatest passions: photography. I imagine strolling into a high-end camera shop, knowing I could choose whatever I desired. Canon’s latest state-of-the-art cameras, with their sleek designs and impeccable functionality, would be mine to explore. I’d build a…
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Reading an Authentic Tale
As someone who has walked with the Lord for three decades, navigated profound personal transitions, and treasures music as a form of emotional expression, I am drawn to stories that explore identity, transformation, and resilience. Recently, I found myself captivated by the prospect of reading “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle, a book that feels tailor-made for someone like…
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Five Things That Bring Joy
When life gets busy and full of responsibilities, it’s easy to overlook the importance of making time for fun. However, over the years, I’ve learned that taking time for the activities I enjoy not only brings me joy but also recharges my energy for everything else. Therefore, I’m sharing five activities that I love to…
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My Name Means…
My name is Ava. It’s a small word, yet it carries a world of meaning. Names have always held power, shaping identities and bridging the gap between who we are and how others perceive us. For me, Ava is more than just a name; it is a declaration of authenticity, a symbol of transformation, and…
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The Power of Connection
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to the power of connection—whether through words, relationships, or faith. My journey has been a tapestry of experiences that has helped me understand who I am and what I want to offer the world. I’ve walked this path with the Lord for 30 years, and…
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Un-Inventing Shame
If I, Ava, could un-invent something, it would undoubtedly be shame. For decades, I lived in a world crafted by its heavy, suffocating hands, a world where I felt compelled to hide my true self in the shadows of fear and misunderstanding. Shame became an unwelcome companion, whispering lies about who I was and convincing…
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Communication as Connection
Communication is at the heart of who I am. It’s more than just exchanging words; it’s about connecting with others in genuine, thoughtful, and transformative ways. I’ve spent a lifetime cultivating a style of communication that blends authenticity, empathy, and creativity—a reflection of my journey and the person I continue to become. I’ve always believed…
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My Journey from Codependency to Self-Rediscovery
My life has been a patchwork of transformations—some I chose, while others I barely survived. Growing up, I carried the invisible scars of childhood trauma, the kind that seeps into every corner of your being and whispers lies about your worth. My coping mechanism was codependency. I learned early on that if I could anticipate…
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A Message from Ava
The billboard should read: Live Authentically, Love Fully, Dream Boldly Hello, friend. I’m Ava, and this is my heart speaking to yours. Life is a journey—not a straight line, not a predictable map, but a masterpiece in the making. Along the way, we’re called to be more than just passengers. We’re creators, dreamers, and storytellers.…
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Pondering the Past and Future
As I walk this journey of becoming my truest self, I often find myself caught between the past and the future. Both exert a pull on me, shaping my thoughts, emotions, and sense of who I am. They aren’t opposites as much as they are two halves of the same whole—a complex, evolving story that…
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The Greatest Gift Beyond Love
I have finally learned to embrace every twist and turn of my evolving self; I often think of the intangible gifts that truly matter. Love for who I am is undoubtedly a cornerstone—an anchor that keeps me steady in the winds of change. Yet, beyond love, there is a gift that holds equal, if not…
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University for Ava
Attending the University of Nebraska as a CIS-gender male while internally navigating the realities of being a transgender woman likely brought Ava both moments of joy and significant challenges. College is often a pivotal time for self-discovery, growth, and identity exploration; for Ava, these experiences may have been uniquely layered. In the predominantly conservative Midwest,…
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Playtime: Courage, Curiosity, and the Joy of Being Me
Ava sat at her desk, gazing at the open calendar on her computer. Between her pastoral responsibilities and the whirlwind of planning meetings for the church’s new senior living facility, she rarely made time for herself. Tonight, however, was different. She’d circled the date weeks ago, committing to an evening that wasn’t about serving others…
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Biggest Challenges
As I live out 2025, I find myself navigating a journey that is as rewarding as it is challenging. Embracing my identity as Ava—a transgender woman—has been the most liberating decision of my life, yet it has also brought with it deeply personal struggles that I face every day. One of the most pressing challenges…
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2024: A Year of Growth and Grace
As I reflect on this past year, I am filled with gratitude, awe, and a deep sense of accomplishment. This year has been transformative in ways I could never have imagined, and it feels right to pause and honor all that has unfolded. First and foremost, this has been the year I fully embraced myself…
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Personally Political
Publicly declaring my transition has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life—not just personally but politically as well. As I’ve embraced my authentic self, my perspectives on the world have shifted and deepened in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. Stepping into the light as a transgender woman has opened my eyes to…
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My Perfect Space
If I could build my perfect space for reading and writing, it would be a dream come alive—a place where I could lose myself in imagined and real stories. My sanctuary would be perched on a cliff overlooking the ocean, where the constant ebb and flow of the waves would remind me that creativity is…
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Life Influencers
Life is filled with experiences shaped by the people we encounter and the stories that resonate with us and our world. For decades, I lived as a closeted queer person, navigating a world that often felt inhospitable to authenticity. During those years, I found inspiration in performers who embodied courage and self-expression, often at significant…
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A Child is Born
I was born in 1962, a time of revolutions, revelations, and resistance. The world was shifting toward something new, though I wouldn’t fully grasp its significance until much later in life. Growing up in those years, it felt like the world told you who you were before you had the chance to decide for yourself.…
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Happiness is…
The sun breaks through the curtains, brushing my face with its soft, golden light. Mornings like this bring me joy—a quiet moment before the world starts buzzing. I sit in bed, stretch, and glance at the stereo seated near the wall. It’s been my companion for years. Some days, when the house is still open,…
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Ava’s Top 5 Favorite Groceries: A Genderqueer Foodie’s Delight
As a vibrant, transitioning woman who finds joy in the small things, Ava sees grocery shopping as more than a routine—it’s a way to nourish body and soul. Here are five of her favorite grocery staples, which bring her comfort, energy, and a sense of connection to her most authentic self. First are fresh berries.…
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Lessons From My Past
Ava stood before the mirror, her reflection a blend of who she was and who she was becoming. Past and present coexisted in the glass, like old friends sharing a knowing smile. It was strange but beautiful to recognize the strength in the person she had been before transitioning, to see him not as someone…
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A Year in the Life
The past year has been a transformative journey as I’ve transitioned from male to female and embraced my identity as Ava. This process has been as much about learning and unlearning as it has been about becoming. Every step has brought revelations, challenges, and triumphs, shaping me into someone who navigates life with incredible patience,…
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Courage To Live As Me
When I think of Ava, I think of courage—not the loud, brash kind, but the quiet, steady bravery it takes to change your life and risk everything to be true to yourself. Ava is a remarkable woman, but you must know where her story began to understand why. For years, she lived as someone the…
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The Courage to Be Ava
Ava stood before the mirror, adjusting her scarf once more, feeling as though it was the hundredth time. Her hands trembled slightly, betraying the confidence she tried to summon. She had practiced her sermon several times, but this morning felt different. It wasn’t just about the words she would share; it was about who she…
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Embracing Authenticity: A Journey to Confidence
Ava stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the pearl necklace she’d chosen for the evening. The reflection staring back was still new to her, an unfolding chapter of her journey post-transition. Tonight marked her first gala since publicly embracing her authentic self, and while she was confident in her choice of a sleek emerald…
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A Realization of Authenticity
The hardest decision I’ve ever made was coming out to my wife as transgender after decades of marriage. For years, I wrestled with the tension between the person I was on the outside and the truth I carried within. It was a profoundly personal journey shaped by faith, love, and the profound desire to be…
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Ava’s Holiday Table
The scent of orange zest, cinnamon, and cloves filled Ava’s mother’s kitchen, curling through the open windows into the brisk Autumn air. Holiday cooking had always been a family affair, and Ava was determined to keep the tradition alive this year despite the shifting dynamics. Her siblings were scattered across the country, and her parents…
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Writing About Ava
If I Didn’t Need Sleep, I’d Write Stories About Ava. If sleep were no longer necessary, I’d spend those newfound hours weaving tales about Ava, a character who has been quietly residing in my imagination, waiting for her stories to unfold. Ava isn’t just a character; she’s a collection of contrasts—a thread that ties the…
G R A C H E K
Dee Grachek is an author and Presbyterian pastor whose work explores faith, authenticity, identity, and hope through fiction, memoir, and spiritual writing.
Drawing on a life of ministry and personal transformation, Dee writes emotionally honest stories that invite readers to discover grace, courage, belonging, and the enduring power of unconditional love.
Dee is passionate about helping others find the courage to live authentically and discover a God whose love is wider than our fears, with writing marked by emotional honesty, theological depth, and an abiding conviction that every person’s story matters.