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The Tattoo I Would Choose
If I had to get a tattoo right now, I would choose a rainbow butterfly. The butterfly may be one of the most familiar symbols of transformation, but that does not make it any less meaningful to me. A butterfly does not simply change its appearance. It enters a hidden place, surrenders the form it…
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You Finally Became Yourself
If my future self could send me one sentence, I hope it would say: “You finally became yourself, and it was worth everything it took to get there.” I could ask my future self whether I became successful. I could ask whether my books were published, whether SŌL became everything I dreamed it might become,…
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The Cost of Being Myself
I used to worry constantly about what would happen if people ever saw the whole of me. For much of my life, I believed love depended upon my ability to remain recognizable to others. I could be loved as long as I stayed within the boundaries people had drawn around me—as long as I played…
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Why
A common question asked of many subjects. Today I’m busy asking myself – why? Why am I so sad? Why do I feel depressed? Where did this “woe is me” come from? Why can’t I have that, do that, feel that? Why did I do the things I did when I was young? Why do…
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A Promise Kept
People often ask what promise I’ve made to myself that I’ve actually kept. It isn’t one of the usual promises. It wasn’t to lose weight, save more money, exercise every day, or finally organize the garage. I’ve made all of those promises at one time or another, and like most people, I’ve kept some better…
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Inventory
The Adam’s apple in old photographs,a hard comma in the throat’s soft sentence. Shoulders built for a doorwayyou never meant to walk through. The particular wrongness of a swimsuit,size medium, women’s,purchased with shaking handsand worn like a confession. A binder’s compression at 6 a.m.,ribs remembering all daywhat they were flattened for. The five-o’clock shadowrising like…
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A Fleeting Moment of Hope
In the depths of the closet, the constant thought of suicide was a shadow that never quite left, a whisper that echoed through the darkest corners of my mind. For me, this thought was a relentless companion, a seductive escape from the pain and fear that came with living a life that felt like a…
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To the Day I Stopped Pretending I Was Okay
I remember you.Not the exact date on a calendar, but the feeling—like something inside me gave way.Like the scaffolding I had built to hold everything togetherjust… buckled. I had been holding so much for so long.The grief.The fear.The shame.The exhaustion of smiling through pain,of showing up for others while disappearing inside myself. I wore “okay”…
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To A Life Built on Expectations
Before I ever spoke my truth, I memorized theirs. I was born into a world that handed me a script before I could read. The lines were already underlined, the stage already set:Be strong.Be successful.Be normal.Be straight.Be a man. And I—ever the good student—did everything I could to meet them. There was no room for…
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I Wasn’t Born Yesterday
“I didn’t just survive. I became. And I’m still becoming.” 🌿 I Wasn’t Born Yesterday I was born again… at fifty-eight. But the world only sees what’s new — the name, the hair, the linen clothes, the long-overdue freedom. What they don’t see — unless I tell them — is what it took to get…
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Dismissed
When Identity Is Dismissed as Pretending Few things cut as deeply as being told that your authentic self is not real—that who you are is a lie, an act, or a phase. For many transgender and non-binary individuals, this is not merely a passing insult; it is a rejection that wounds the soul. When someone…
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My Heart Hurts
There is a type of pain that settles in the heart, not like a sharp wound that bleeds and demands immediate attention, but rather like a deep, slow ache that never truly fades. I have come to know this pain intimately since coming out as transgender. It is the pain of being hated simply for…
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The Greatest Innovation of My Lifetime
If you had asked me years ago what the greatest invention of my lifetime would be, I might have listed a series of remarkable technologies—AI, medical advancements, or even the rise of renewable energy. But as I stand here now, reflecting on the world I’ve watched transform, I realize that the most revolutionary invention isn’t…
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My Ideal Day
My ideal day begins just before sunrise when the world is still quiet, and the air feels fresh with possibility. I wake up naturally, without an alarm blaring—just the soft glow of dawn filtering through my curtains. I stretch, feeling every muscle awaken, then take a moment to breathe deeply, slowly, and gratefully. Slipping into…
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The Truth About Transgender People
In today’s political climate, transgender people are facing renewed fear and uncertainty. The current administration, particularly the president, has actively devalued transgender lives through harmful policies, restrictive laws, and dehumanizing rhetoric. Rather than ensuring equal protection under the law, the government has targeted transgender individuals by rolling back rights, banning healthcare access, and limiting our…
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The Weight of Silence
Hello darkness, my old friendI’ve come to talk with you againBecause a vision softly creepingLeft its seeds while I was sleepingAnd the vision that was planted in my brainStill remainsWithin the sound of silence– Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel As I prepared dinner tonight, I listened to a special version of Simon and…
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What Annoys Me the Most
I like to think of myself as a patient person, someone who sees the bigger picture and embraces grace in all things. But let’s be honest—there are some things that get under my skin, and sometimes, I just need to vent. If I had to pinpoint what I complain about the most, I’d say it…
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If I Won the Lottery
If I won the lottery, the possibilities would seem endless. I’d start by indulging in one of my greatest passions: photography. I imagine strolling into a high-end camera shop, knowing I could choose whatever I desired. Canon’s latest state-of-the-art cameras, with their sleek designs and impeccable functionality, would be mine to explore. I’d build a…
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Fear in the Land of the Free
As a transgender individual living under President Donald Trump’s administration in 2025, I find myself engulfed in a profound sense of anxiety and uncertainty. The recent executive orders and policy shifts have not only threatened my rights but have also cast a shadow over my daily existence. One of the most alarming developments is the…
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Reading an Authentic Tale
As someone who has walked with the Lord for three decades, navigated profound personal transitions, and treasures music as a form of emotional expression, I am drawn to stories that explore identity, transformation, and resilience. Recently, I found myself captivated by the prospect of reading “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle, a book that feels tailor-made for someone like…
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The Power of Connection
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to the power of connection—whether through words, relationships, or faith. My journey has been a tapestry of experiences that has helped me understand who I am and what I want to offer the world. I’ve walked this path with the Lord for 30 years, and…
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What’s In A Name?
Ava sat cross-legged on her bed, surrounded by scattered pieces of paper. Each one bore names; some were hastily scribbled, while others were written in flowing script with careful strokes. She had been grappling with this decision for weeks—a name that felt so simple yet carried the weight of her entire identity. She had grown…
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Un-Inventing Shame
If I, Ava, could un-invent something, it would undoubtedly be shame. For decades, I lived in a world crafted by its heavy, suffocating hands, a world where I felt compelled to hide my true self in the shadows of fear and misunderstanding. Shame became an unwelcome companion, whispering lies about who I was and convincing…
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Communication as Connection
Communication is at the heart of who I am. It’s more than just exchanging words; it’s about connecting with others in genuine, thoughtful, and transformative ways. I’ve spent a lifetime cultivating a style of communication that blends authenticity, empathy, and creativity—a reflection of my journey and the person I continue to become. I’ve always believed…
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My Journey from Codependency to Self-Rediscovery
My life has been a patchwork of transformations—some I chose, while others I barely survived. Growing up, I carried the invisible scars of childhood trauma, the kind that seeps into every corner of your being and whispers lies about your worth. My coping mechanism was codependency. I learned early on that if I could anticipate…
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The Greatest Gift Beyond Love
I have finally learned to embrace every twist and turn of my evolving self; I often think of the intangible gifts that truly matter. Love for who I am is undoubtedly a cornerstone—an anchor that keeps me steady in the winds of change. Yet, beyond love, there is a gift that holds equal, if not…
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University for Ava
Attending the University of Nebraska as a CIS-gender male while internally navigating the realities of being a transgender woman likely brought Ava both moments of joy and significant challenges. College is often a pivotal time for self-discovery, growth, and identity exploration; for Ava, these experiences may have been uniquely layered. In the predominantly conservative Midwest,…
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Playtime: Courage, Curiosity, and the Joy of Being Me
Ava sat at her desk, gazing at the open calendar on her computer. Between her pastoral responsibilities and the whirlwind of planning meetings for the church’s new senior living facility, she rarely made time for herself. Tonight, however, was different. She’d circled the date weeks ago, committing to an evening that wasn’t about serving others…
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Biggest Challenges
As I live out 2025, I find myself navigating a journey that is as rewarding as it is challenging. Embracing my identity as Ava—a transgender woman—has been the most liberating decision of my life, yet it has also brought with it deeply personal struggles that I face every day. One of the most pressing challenges…
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Personally Political
Publicly declaring my transition has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life—not just personally but politically as well. As I’ve embraced my authentic self, my perspectives on the world have shifted and deepened in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. Stepping into the light as a transgender woman has opened my eyes to…
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A Child is Born
I was born in 1962, a time of revolutions, revelations, and resistance. The world was shifting toward something new, though I wouldn’t fully grasp its significance until much later in life. Growing up in those years, it felt like the world told you who you were before you had the chance to decide for yourself.…
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Happiness is…
The sun breaks through the curtains, brushing my face with its soft, golden light. Mornings like this bring me joy—a quiet moment before the world starts buzzing. I sit in bed, stretch, and glance at the stereo seated near the wall. It’s been my companion for years. Some days, when the house is still open,…
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Ava’s Top 5 Favorite Groceries: A Genderqueer Foodie’s Delight
As a vibrant, transitioning woman who finds joy in the small things, Ava sees grocery shopping as more than a routine—it’s a way to nourish body and soul. Here are five of her favorite grocery staples, which bring her comfort, energy, and a sense of connection to her most authentic self. First are fresh berries.…
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Lessons From My Past
Ava stood before the mirror, her reflection a blend of who she was and who she was becoming. Past and present coexisted in the glass, like old friends sharing a knowing smile. It was strange but beautiful to recognize the strength in the person she had been before transitioning, to see him not as someone…
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A Year in the Life
The past year has been a transformative journey as I’ve transitioned from male to female and embraced my identity as Ava. This process has been as much about learning and unlearning as it has been about becoming. Every step has brought revelations, challenges, and triumphs, shaping me into someone who navigates life with incredible patience,…
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Courage To Live As Me
When I think of Ava, I think of courage—not the loud, brash kind, but the quiet, steady bravery it takes to change your life and risk everything to be true to yourself. Ava is a remarkable woman, but you must know where her story began to understand why. For years, she lived as someone the…
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The Courage to Be Ava
Ava stood before the mirror, adjusting her scarf once more, feeling as though it was the hundredth time. Her hands trembled slightly, betraying the confidence she tried to summon. She had practiced her sermon several times, but this morning felt different. It wasn’t just about the words she would share; it was about who she…
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Embracing Authenticity: A Journey to Confidence
Ava stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the pearl necklace she’d chosen for the evening. The reflection staring back was still new to her, an unfolding chapter of her journey post-transition. Tonight marked her first gala since publicly embracing her authentic self, and while she was confident in her choice of a sleek emerald…
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A Realization of Authenticity
The hardest decision I’ve ever made was coming out to my wife as transgender after decades of marriage. For years, I wrestled with the tension between the person I was on the outside and the truth I carried within. It was a profoundly personal journey shaped by faith, love, and the profound desire to be…
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Becoming Ava
A Journey of Fear, Anxiety, Excitement, and Change The idea of changing my name was not a fleeting thought. It simmered quietly in the back of my mind for years, like a whisper I wasn’t ready to hear. Whenever someone addressed me by my old name, I felt a slight pang of discomfort—a reminder that…
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Transgender Lives Matter
A Path Forward or Backward? In recent years, the visibility of transgender individuals has increased, thanks to the tireless efforts of activists, social movements, and media representation. Yet, despite this progress, transgender people around the world continue to face disproportionate levels of discrimination, violence, and marginalization. The question arises: What will the future of transgender…
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The Journey of Self-Love and Acceptance
I’m at a point in my life where I realize that for me to continue in my transition could introduce me to some significant loss. If I lost everything around me, would that be the end of me? Would it be the beginning of me? How could I possibly know the difference? I feel as…
G R A C H E K
Dee Grachek is an author and Presbyterian pastor whose work explores faith, authenticity, identity, and hope through fiction, memoir, and spiritual writing.
Drawing on a life of ministry and personal transformation, Dee writes emotionally honest stories that invite readers to discover grace, courage, belonging, and the enduring power of unconditional love.
Dee is passionate about helping others find the courage to live authentically and discover a God whose love is wider than our fears, with writing marked by emotional honesty, theological depth, and an abiding conviction that every person’s story matters.